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True Crime Lite: Never Mess With A Man and His Toys

Collectors are very serious when it comes to their collections. You don't get more serious than a collector of action figures. Some figurines can be valued in the millions. It's reasonable to be protective of such valuable items, even if they are just toys at the end of the day. Collectors of these figurines go to great lengths to keep them in mint condition. Some even keep the rooms they're stored in at a certain temperature to keep the packages, as well as the figures inside, in perfect condition. While this may seem extreme to a non-collector, it's quite tame in comparison to the man in this story.

On a Sunday night in January 2019, at 10:03, police in Dane County, Wisconsin received a call. Global News reported that a 34-year-old man was calling the police on himself. Needless to say, it was a very surprising call for dispatch to receive. What was even more surprising was his reason for calling. He said that he had taken his log-splitting ax and destroyed his television, TV stand, laptop computer, some furniture, among other items in the house, and then the family car.

As though this wasn't shocking enough, his reason for axing some of the most expensive items in his home was even more surprising. Dayton Daily News reported that the unnamed man had destroyed his own property because he was obviously upset. He was convinced that his 46-year-old wife had damaged "some of his prized property," including some action figures that were apparently quite valuable.

Both Global and Dayton Daily News report that Madison Police Chief Mike Koval wrote of this incident in a daily crime blotter that can be found online. Notes taken by officers as well as their reports are used to update the blotter everyday. He states in his report of the incident that the collector in question appeared to have been drinking at the time they arrived. When they pulled up to the home, the first thing they saw was an ax embedded into the windshield of a car that was also missing its side view mirrors. It was the collector's car.

The man admitted to overreacting horribly because he thought his wife had desecrated his beloved action figures. He decided in his rage to avenge the characters he loved so much. Rather than just simply asking his wife if she had damaged the toys, he decided to go Hulk on some of the most valuable items in their home as retribution. Police noted that he had destroyed his television, along with the stand, his laptop computer, some furniture, and other items before walking outside. Then, he took the ax to the family car, chopping the side view mirrors off before embedding the ax in his windshield. I really have to wonder if he called the police simply because he couldn't remove the ax from his windshield.

All in all, it was estimated that the collector in question caused $5000 worth of damage to his own home before calling the police on himself. He was charged with disorderly conduct and felony damage to a property. The collector was booked into Dane County Jail after the incident, leaving his action figures in the custody of his wife. I could not find out how he was sentenced or if his marriage survived this encounter. Thankfully, the collector's wife was not at home at the time of her husband's outburst.

Some takeaways from this story: You should never damage anyone's property, but destroying your own to make a point about your damaged property is ridiculous and downright stupid. Furthermore, you turn yourself after horrible atrocities, such as rape or murder. Murdering your car, furniture, and electronics doesn't count as a horrible atrocity. It really just means that you're in bad need of some anger management and therapy. And lastly, they're only toys. I don't care how much you paid for it, it's a toy.

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