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True Crime Lite: Florida Man Throws Alligator...You Heard What I Said

Yeah, I know. This is as stereotypical as it gets. The world over, the Florida man has become synonymous with hilariously stupid crimes. Just like people associate California with hipsters and West Virginia with hillbillies, the Florida man will forever be linked with incredibly dumb offenses. While I try to write about the stupid crimes committed the world over, occasionally I gotta sneak a Florida man in there.

The Washington Examiner reported on the story that can only make you shake your head. William Hodge was just 32-years-old last year when he was arrested for probably the most witless transgression I've written about so far. One balmy night in July, he stole an alligator from an enclosure at Congo River Golf, a miniature golf course located in the Daytona area. After stealing him, he took the gator to Metz Lounges, a bar and liquor store. His intention wasn't to hang out with his scaly new friend, quite the opposite in fact. He wanted to hurt this poor animal that had done nothing to him at all.

He grabbed the gator by his tail and tried to sling him on the roof of the liquor store. When his first attempt failed, he grabbed the poor creature by his tail again and threw him over his shoulder before slinging him back to the ground and stomping on him twice. While I would certainly cheer the alligator on for taking one of his hands, unfortunately that didn't happen. The police quickly responded to the call of a man throwing an alligator around by his tail, though.

When Daytona Beach officer Molly Billue asked why he was so cruelly abusing the animal, the answer was strange. He claimed to be teaching it a lesson. I don't know if the creature was being a smartass while he played putt-putt, or if he looked at him funny from across the course, or what. For some reason, this man seemed convinced that the gator needed to learn a hard lesson. Thankfully, this entire ridiculous incident quickly stopped with the arrival of police.

After arresting him, officer Billue transported him to the city's division of public safety. William wasn't out of brilliant ideas, though. While in holding, he clogged the toilet and drain in his cell with toilet paper in an attempt to flood out the entire station. He only managed to get his socks wet with this genius plan, though. After processing, he was sent to Volusia County Jail to await sentencing. He may have walked away from the alligator unscathed, but he hardly escaped conviction for one of the dumbest things a Florida man has ever done.

The owner of Congo River Golf, George King, was reached by police to pick his alligator up from the station. While he certainly survived his brush with William Hodge, it's not known if he sustained any injuries. According to King, the animal is worth $300.

William Hodge definitely deserved to lose a hand, if not a little more, for abusing an innocent animal. I'm absolutely astounded that it didn't strike back through all of this. I don't know if this man thinks he's the next Crocodile Dundee, but hopefully he's learned a lesson himself while sitting in jail.

Some takeaways from this story: Animal abuse is never acceptable. If you believe that an innocent animal needs to be taught a violent lesson, then maybe you are the one in need of a lesson. It's never a good idea to steal an animal from an enclosure, especially a large one that could possibly eat your face. Furthermore, flooding your own living quarters to get out is the stupidest thing you can do. Why drown your own belongings for a plan that most certainly won't work?

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