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True Crime Lite: Don't Bring a Baseball Bat To a Gun Robbery

My father always used to say "don't bring a knife into a gun fight." He had many charming colloquialisms like that, some that he ripped off from Jim Croce songs, such as "don't spit into the wind." Nevertheless they were words to live by and sayings you'd find yourself recalling at the most mundane times, when they finally seemed to apply. According to an article I ran across on Goliath, it sounds like the man in this story could've used some of my father's wise and corny sayings. He likely could've avoided some serious prison time had he just been told that literally nothing beats a gun, not even a baseball bat.

CNN reported that in July 2014, Derrick Mosley decided to rob the Discount Gun Sales in Oregon, just outside of Portland. In an apparent need to stock up on weapons, he stormed the gun shop with only a baseball bat to insight fear. He immediately smashed a glass display case, taking a semi-automatic handgun from inside as Oregon Live stated in their reporting on this case.

The severely under-armed perpetrator clearly didn't think this one through. He figured that even though he was robbing a gun store, the weapons would be unloaded. He didn't stop to think that a discount gun shop would be owned and run by gun enthusiasts. The manager happened to have his own handgun on hand, and unlike the display items, it was definitely loaded. He pointed his weapon at the bat-wielding thief and ordered him to drop his bat, 9-inch knife, and the stolen handgun. Derrick did as he was told and got down on the ground. That's where Washington County deputies found him when they arrived.

The estimated damage of the display case that he destroyed was $250. Thankfully, the manager reacted quickly and stopped this dim-witted robber before anyone was harmed or he could cause any further damage. The 22-year-old man that evidently had never heard a corny, home-spun old saying in his life was taken to Washington County Jail in Oregon, where he was held on a $250,000 bond. Oregon Live reported his charges as first-degree robbery, first-degree theft, unlawful possession of a firearm, and second-degree criminal mischief.

I can certainly say that out of the stupid criminals I've covered so far for this series, Derrick Mosley won the stupid award! I'm having his trophy made to look like a giant dunce cap. Two baseball bats will be crossed underneath the words "World's Dumbest Criminal." If you're going to pull something this simple-minded, you deserve to never live it down.

Some takeaways from this story: The tried, true, and most obvious, don't bring a baseball bat to a gun fight! The man holding the gun doesn't need to be anywhere near as close and personal as you will need to be for that bat to be effective. Next, if you're going to rob any store in the world, for the love of God, don't pick a gun store. If you can't figure out why that's a bad idea then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to cross the street by yourself, either. And finally, never make the mistake of thinking there isn't at least one armed man everywhere you go in America. There is.

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